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In the land of Kamasutra lies the taboo word “Sex”. Our society prohibits the use of this word openly, although Mumbai, India tops the chart in “Red Light Area” of the world. Does this figure mean anything to you?  Indian men and sex are the two different sides of the same coin. Both speak about the face value (read here Indian society).

Indian society has always been a male dominated society. A peek in history will get us close. Turning the pages of Ramayan you can read the chapters of “Sita’s Agnipariksha” (Test of fire). Ravan, the King of Lanka, had abducted Sita and to prove her sanctity to Ram, her husband, had asked her to take the test which she took and came out untouched by the fire. Even after this she was asked to leave Ram as she was captive of Ravan for more than a year. Ram was never asked to take the test.

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Chapters of Mahabharat will tell you how Draupdi was conferred as wife of five brothers and none came to her rescue when she was disgraced by one of her brother-in-law, Duryodhan, amid a court full of male members. They silently watched her as she cried for help from each member of the court and her five husbands while she was pulled up by her hair and ripped off her sari. However, they could not succeed in this act after Krishna’s intervention.

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That was an era of Hindu kings ruling India. But much later with the intervention of Muslim kings in India started another ritual, the “Sati Pratha”. Here the wives of the Indian men who lost the war and died would willingly jump alive in the burning pyre to join her husband in the after world. Earlier it was practiced by the royal women only as they did not want to be sex slave of the Muslim kings but later it became ritual of the society wherein a widow was forced to join her husband in the burning pyre alive. However, no record of men joining his dead wife over the pyre is recorded in history.

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In all these incidents that I have mentioned above you must be wondering about connection between the Indian men and sex. Of course my examples above project Indian women in a very dim light. But then it is the fact. India is one of the leading countries in gender bias. Women folk are no more than a number or figure for the survey organisations. Here I am talking about general. Some of you will not agree with me but then take a chance to look out of your face book and tabs you can easily see what I am talking about.

So in a country of biggest gender bias sex as an act can only be a tool, a tool to show power rather than an emotional need. It’s more physical fulfillment than mental.  The reason for this mentally among the Indian male is because of the Indian society. Right since childhood a male child understands that he is far more privileged than his female siblings. That enforces the power of male sentiment within him at a very early age. Playing protector to his female siblings is the first role he leans to play. Many a times, you must have seen a teenage girl accompanied by a five year boy to the neighborhood. The teenage girl is made to believe she cannot take care of herself and so she must have a male escort no matter how young he is.

When the child grows up a little more he learns the basics of protecting his own female folk while take chances with other female folk. Courtesy his hormone blast as an adolescent. While both male and female body feel this change inside their body. However, an Indian male child can follow his instincts wherein an Indian girl child learns to control. Moreover, society embarks more restriction on her making her availability very restricted. Some are forced to quit school and wedded off. So the prime time when these children should have interacted with each other they are warded off. Understanding each other would have developed the trust and much needed respect for each other which now remained buried deep under desires till it is further provoked.

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In India sex education is also a taboo. Even though schools books have chapters dedicated to human reproduction but our trained teachers are embarrassed to discuss any questions on that topic. As a result students are left to fend for themselves. So imagine the plight of a child who cannot ask question to his teacher or at home or his elders about sex. So how else could he find his answers? That’s how he turns to sex magazines, porn sites or may be to the red light areas. But that instead of answering his question craves him more. And before he could understand anything he is married to a girl of his parent’s choice and within a year is already fathering a child. And finally he is a busy family man.

 So where is sex in Indian Men’s life? Is he frustrated? Is he really satisfied?

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I believe with education the thinking in Indian society can be changed.  The gender bias has a big negativity on the Indian sex life. For a healthy relation to start respect is the foremost thing. With respect comes the love and it is not chained in a “mangalsutra” that an Indian married women tie around her neck. Love and respect cannot be forced upon you. You have to earn it and for that you need time. Just because you are embarrassed answering your child’s sex related queries does not mean that your child has grown up and needs to be married. Of course he has grown up and that is the reason he is asking. So don’t feel shy to answer him.

I have seen many parents either walk away or shoo off their children whenever there is an intimate scene on the T.V. Even I do it sometimes but my five years old ask me to put on the same channel. And I am kind of zapped what to answer him when he start throwing questions about the scene.  But if there is any sex educational programme for a teenaged child then I think parents should watch the programme with the child. If you really want your child to confide in you then you should make a rapport with him from a very early age.

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A survey last year says Indian men have least sex. It can easily be blamed to late working hours, hectic schedule, stress factor and other priorities. Another survey says India tops most in domestic violence. Now what is the connection between the two surveys? Is it frustration? Is it dissatisfaction? Is it stress? Maybe all as a whole.  Indian men are tied in a vicious circle, a circle of desire and craving for his materialistic needs. What he received is what he is giving back. He has to get out of it and create a new circle for himself full of desire and fulfilment for his emotional needs. He needs to lie on his back for a while and rethink about his role in this society. Is he doing what he has been passed on or he is doing something better than that. Then only Indian society can see a change where domestic violence, rape and gender bias see elimination.

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